Deciphering なりたい Vs ありたい In Mishima's Confessions Of A Mask

Hey guys! Today, we're diving deep into the fascinating world of Japanese grammar and literature, specifically Yukio Mishima's Confessions of a Mask (仮面の告白). This novel is a treasure trove of linguistic and psychological insights, and we're going to unravel a particularly intriguing nuance: the difference between に naritai (になりたい) and de aritai (でありたい). This distinction is crucial for understanding the protagonist's complex desires and self-perception, especially when he's contemplating the life of an 穢屋 (kitanaiya), someone who collects night soil. Let's get started!

The Grammar Breakdown: Naritai vs. Aritai

To really grasp the subtle difference between these two expressions, we need to break down the grammar. Both naritai and aritai express a desire to become or be something, but they do so in distinct ways. Think of it like this: they both point to a destination, but they take different routes.

Naritai (になりたい): Aspiring to Transformation

• Naritai is the tai-form of the verb naru (なる), which means "to become." The tai-form, as you probably know, expresses a desire or wish. So, naritai literally translates to "want to become." The key here is the sense of transformation or change. When someone uses naritai, they're expressing a desire to transition from their current state to a different one. It’s about acquiring a new identity, role, or characteristic. You can think of naritai as a desire to step into a new skin, to fundamentally alter who you are.

  • For instance, if you say "Sensei ni naritai" (先生になりたい), you're expressing your ambition to become a teacher. It implies a journey, a process of learning and growth that will ultimately lead you to this new identity. The emphasis is on the change, the evolution from student to teacher. Similarly, imagine a child saying, "Hayaku otona ni naritai" (早く大人になりたい), meaning “I want to become an adult quickly.” This encapsulates the yearning for a future state, a transformation eagerly anticipated.

Aritai (でありたい): Yearning for Inherent Being

• On the other hand, aritai is the tai-form of the verb aru (ある), which means "to be" or "to exist." Aritai conveys a desire to be in a certain state, but it emphasizes the inherent quality of that state. It's less about transformation and more about the essence of what you want to be. It suggests a desire to align with a certain principle, ideal, or way of being. Aritai speaks to a deeper, more fundamental longing for a specific mode of existence.

  • Consider the phrase "Jiyuu de aritai" (自由でありたい), which translates to "I want to be free." Here, the focus isn't necessarily on becoming free from a specific situation, but rather on embodying the very essence of freedom. It's about living a life that is characterized by freedom, a state of being that permeates your existence. Another good example is the phrase “Seigi de aritai” (正義でありたい), meaning “I want to be just.” This signifies a desire to embody justice, to let it guide your actions and decisions, showcasing the inherent quality you wish to possess.

Key Differences Summarized

• Naritai: Focuses on the process of becoming, a transition from one state to another. It’s about acquiring a new identity or role. Think of it as a journey of transformation.
• Aritai: Focuses on the state of being, emphasizing the inherent quality or essence of that state. It’s about aligning with an ideal or principle. Think of it as a state of existence.

Mishima's Confessions of a Mask: The Context of the 穢屋 (kitanaiya)

Now, let's bring this grammatical understanding back to Mishima's Confessions of a Mask. Our protagonist, a young man grappling with his identity and sexuality, finds himself drawn to the figure of the 穢屋 (kitanaiya), the night soil collector. This is a crucial point in understanding Mishima’s language choices. The 穢屋 (kitanaiya) represents a stark contrast to the protagonist's own privileged and intellectual world. He sees in the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) a certain raw, unvarnished existence, a connection to the earthy realities of life that he feels alienated from. The protagonist is intrigued by the perceived simplicity and directness of the 穢屋 (kitanaiya)'s life, a life seemingly untouched by the complexities and anxieties that plague him.

The protagonist's fascination with the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) is not necessarily about wanting to literally become one. It's more about what the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) represents – a certain kind of freedom, a connection to the physical world, and an escape from the constraints of societal expectations. Therefore, Mishima's choice of either naritai or aritai is significant in revealing the protagonist's true desires.

Analyzing the Sentence

To fully understand the nuances of Mishima's writing, we need the specific sentence in question. However, even without the exact wording, we can explore the implications of using either naritai or aritai in this context. Let's consider two hypothetical scenarios:

1. If Mishima had used 穢屋 (kitanaiya) ni naritai: This would suggest a desire to actually become a night soil collector. It would imply a yearning for a complete transformation of his social role and lifestyle. This could point to a desire to escape his current life and embrace a completely different identity. Perhaps he is drawn to the physicality of the work, the idea of shedding his intellectual persona for a more visceral existence. However, this interpretation might be too literal, given the protagonist's complex psychological makeup.
2. If Mishima had used 穢屋 (kitanaiya) de aritai: This is where things get more interesting. This construction suggests a desire to be in a state akin to the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) – to embody the qualities that the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) represents. It's less about changing his profession and more about achieving a certain kind of authenticity or freedom. He might admire the 穢屋 (kitanaiya)'s perceived lack of social pretense, his direct connection to the necessities of life. The protagonist, trapped in his own internal struggles and societal expectations, might see the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) as embodying a more genuine way of being.

In all likelihood, Mishima's actual phrasing likely leaned towards the latter interpretation. The protagonist's fascination with the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) is more symbolic than literal. He's not necessarily dreaming of hauling night soil, but rather yearning for the qualities he associates with that life – simplicity, freedom, and a connection to the physical world. This is a crucial element in understanding the protagonist's internal conflict and his struggle to define his own identity.

Beyond Grammar: The Psychological Depth

The choice between naritai and aritai isn't just a matter of grammar; it's a window into the protagonist's psyche. Mishima masterfully uses language to reveal the subtle nuances of his characters' desires and motivations. In the context of Confessions of a Mask, the protagonist's fascination with the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) is intertwined with his exploration of his sexuality and his alienation from societal norms. This fascination is further complicated by his internal conflicts and his struggle to reconcile his desires with his social identity.

The Protagonist's Alienation

The protagonist of Confessions of a Mask feels deeply alienated from the world around him. He struggles to connect with others, masks his true self, and grapples with his homosexual desires in a society that largely condemns them. This sense of alienation fuels his fascination with figures who exist on the margins of society, like the 穢屋 (kitanaiya). They represent a world outside the constraints of social expectations, a world where authenticity might be possible. This feeling of disconnect is a core theme in Mishima's works, and understanding the naritai/aritai distinction allows us to see how this feeling is expressed through the protagonist's desires.

The Allure of the Physical

The protagonist, an intellectual and often detached individual, is also drawn to the physicality of the 穢屋 (kitanaiya)'s work. The 穢屋 (kitanaiya)'s daily life is a stark contrast to his own cerebral existence. There’s a raw, unfiltered quality to it that he finds both repulsive and compelling. This attraction to the physical is linked to the protagonist's exploration of his sexuality. He is drawn to the male body, but struggles with the societal taboos surrounding homosexuality. The figure of the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) becomes a kind of forbidden object, embodying both the allure and the danger of physical desire.

The Quest for Authenticity

Ultimately, the protagonist's contemplation of the 穢屋 (kitanaiya)'s life is part of his broader quest for authenticity. He is searching for a way to reconcile his internal desires with his external identity. He wants to be true to himself, but he also fears the consequences of societal rejection. The 穢屋 (kitanaiya), in his simple and unvarnished existence, represents a possible path towards authenticity. However, the protagonist's intellectual and social background makes it impossible for him to simply abandon his current life and become a 穢屋 (kitanaiya). His desire is more nuanced, more about embodying the qualities he admires in the 穢屋 (kitanaiya) rather than literally transforming himself.

Conclusion: The Power of Nuance

So, guys, by carefully examining the difference between naritai and aritai, we've gained a deeper understanding of Mishima's Confessions of a Mask and the protagonist's complex psychological landscape. The choice of grammatical construction isn't just a technicality; it's a powerful tool for revealing character motivations and thematic concerns. Next time you're reading Japanese literature, pay close attention to these subtle nuances – they can unlock a whole new level of meaning. Understanding the subtle difference between naritai and aritai is crucial for appreciating the depth and complexity of Mishima's work. It's a reminder that language is not just a tool for communication, but also a mirror reflecting the innermost desires and struggles of the human heart. Keep exploring, keep questioning, and keep unraveling those literary mysteries! Happy reading!